Key Takeaway
Learning to deal with feelings and caring for yourself positively impacts not only you, but also your kids who rely on your strength and well-being.
Protective Factor
A supportive, stable, caring relationship with at least one adult is one of the most important protections against toxic stress. By nurturing yourself, you're better equipped to be a source of strength and understanding for your children. Taking care of yourself isn’t selfish!
Strategies
What feelings are you dealing with? Click below to explore some strategies to help cope with your feelings. Remember, as we are all unique and different strategies work better for different people - so try a few out and find out what best works for you!
- Sadness
- Anger
- Guilt
- Resentment
- Anxiety
- Relief
- Betrayal
- Shame
- Jealousy
- Loneliness
Strategy
- Talk it out. It's important to acknowledge and share your emotions. Talk to someone you trust in your support system—a friend, an Elder or Knowledge Keeper, a family member (though not your children) or someone in your community. Sharing your experience
- Get help. If emotions become overwhelming, you can’t think about anything else, or they interfere with your day to day life. Consider talking to a professional like a therapist or a mediator. They can provide a safe space for you to express your emotions
- Take your time. Separation and divorce can take some time, things might not get better overnight. Give yourself time to grieve and then adapt to your new normal. Be patient and kind with yourself!
- Get creative!! Writing or journaling or even doodling or making art can be a therapeutic way to process emotions and gain clarity. Participate in cultural activities such as beading, carving, ribbon skirt and drum making. These can be both creative and ph
- Keep it steady. Sticking to your daily routine, such as a regular exercise class, as much as possible provides consistency and structure and can provide a sense of stability during uncertain times.
- Get involved! Get involved in your community and give back to others. Connecting with our culture and community makes us feel like we belong to something bigger than ourselves. The feeling of giving back plus the social connection can help counter the imp
- Do what you love and reconnect with yourself. Feeling like we are good at something can give us confidence to get through other challenges in our lives and helps us figure out who we are. Dive deep into hobbies or master a new skill!
- Practice positive self-talk. Positive affirmations can help reshape your thought patterns. "I choose to be happy and hopeful even though it seems difficult right now."
- Get physical. Channeling your energy into positive outlets such as sports, exercise, and engaging in physical activities can provide a constructive way to get emotions out. Get out in nature if you can!
- Be mindful. Learn and practice relaxation techniques such as deep breathing, mindfulness, meditation, or yoga. These methods can help calm your mind.
- Set boundaries. Cut back on extra responsibilities you don't actually need to do, as well as on people and things that do not contribute positively to your well-being. Get comfortable saying “no”! Let people around you know your needs, triggers and thing
- Take care of yourself. Nourish your body physically and emotionally. Eat healthy meals and try to get enough sleep! Be kind to yourself and do things that bring you joy. Practice relaxation techniques like deep breathing or mindfulness.
- Focus on the future. Think of three things you are looking forward to. Set a goal for today, this week, this month and this year. This can help you get out of dwelling on the past and give you hope for the future.
- Distract Yourself. While we can’t run away from our feelings, it is okay and healthy to take a break! Escape for a bit into a movie, books, or binge a show.
- Pause before you react. If you start to feel frustrated and angry, take a break to cool down. Find a quiet place, take deep breaths or yell into a pillow. Think about what's making you upset. When you feel calmer, you can talk about your feelings with som
- Take a social media break. Social media can connect us but it can also make us feel bad about ourselves. It hurts to compare ourselves to others when we are going through hard times. Especially when what people post is idealized and not always true to rea
- Practice gratitude. It’s easy to focus on all the bad that is going on. It’s much harder to see all the good. Take a minute to write down the good things in your life, and even about your relationship with your ex, and thank them. "I am grateful for what
- Grieve. Whether you want to leave the relationship or not, allow yourself time to grieve. Take some time to feel your feelings and honour them. Take time to say goodbye to the hopes you had and the person you were in the relationship. Talk to a friend, co
- Reach Out. Spend time with people who love you and who help you feel energized and positive. Avoid people who make you feel drained, are judgmental, negative, or who aren’t good listeners. Check-in with other people you know who have gone through simil
- Forgive and Let Go. Dwelling on some feelings can get you stuck in a cycle. Forgiving yourself or the person who hurt you is hard, but can feel like lifting a weight off your shoulders. If you are struggling, talk to a professional.
- Embrace your spirituality. It can provide a sense of comfort, support, and inner strength. This looks different for different people. For some it may be embracing ceremonial practices, connecting with culture and Ancestors, or seeking guidance from a fait
- Schedule a worry time. If you find yourself dwelling or ruminating on negative thoughts, like you can’t stop thinking about worst case scenarios or thinking about bad things that happened in the past, time setting aside 15 to 30 minutes a day to focus on
Emotion relevant for
- Guilt, Anger, Relief, Anxiety, Sadness, Jealousy, Betrayal, Shame
- Guilt, Anger, Relief, Sadness, Jealousy, Shame, Grief
- Grief, Sadness, Betrayal, Jealousy,
- Guilt, Relief, Sadness, Shame, Jealousy, Loneliness
- Sadness, Anxiety, Loneliness
- Jealousy, Sadness, Shame,Anger, Loneliness
- Sadness, Shame, Resentment, Loneliness
- Guilt, Sadness, Jealousy, Shame
- Anger, Sadness, Shame, Resentment, Loneliness
- Anger, Sadness, Loneliness, Anxiety
- Anger, Jealousy, Resentment, Anxiety
- Anxiety, Sadness, Shame, Loneliness
- Sadness, Loneliness, Shame
- Sadness, Anger, Loneliness
- Anger, Resentment, Jealousy
- Shame, Sadness, Betrayal, Jealousy, Loneliness, Resentment
- Resentment, Jealousy, Sadness
- Guilt, Anger, Relief, Anxiety, Sadness,, Jealousy, Betrayal, Shame, Grief
- Anxiety, Sadness, Loneliness, Shame
- Anger, Betrayal, Shame, Guilt, Resentment
- Sadness, Anxiety, Anger, Shame, Loneliness, Resentment, Grief
- Sadness, Anxiety, Shame, Grief
Protective Factor
You can help your kids learn emotional regulation and coping skills by modeling it in your own life. Talk about your feelings. Talk about what you are doing that helps you cope with your feelings. Remind your kids that they are not responsible for your feelings.
Wellness
Be mindful of your relationship with substances like alcohol and other recreational drugs. Pay attention to your use and whether it is going up or down. While it is common to use substances to cope with stressful times, this can lead to negative outcomes. See Get help with substance use for resources in your area.
Caring for your whole self
Caring for yourself isn’t all bubble baths and exercise, although that can definitely be part of it. Take care of your whole self.
Think about caring for yourself:
- Physically, for example exercise, eating healthy, practicing relaxing, and incorporating holistic healing practices such as massage
- Mentally, for example learning, reading, reflecting or meditating
- Emotionally, for example expressing emotions through art or journaling, or speaking with a therapist or Elder
Spiritually, for example volunteering in the community, taking part in prayer and ceremony, connecting with nature