Principaux points à retenir
Working out a written agreement with the other parent helps you and your kids know what to expect and can reduce conflict in the long term.
Remember
Ongoing court disputes can strain relationships and increase conflict between parents which can impact kids. Learn more about how stress impacts kids and how to build resilience from the Alberta Wellness Initiative.
Safety
Sometimes court is necessary in cases with a history of violence or serious power imbalances between parents. If that is your case, you should get help and legal advice.
If you don’t you put the agreement at risk of being challenged in court. See Financial Disclosure for more information.
- Before you sign your agreement, even if you write it yourself, it is essential to get independent legal advice from a professional that does not represent the other parent. This is to make sure that:
- Your agreement is legal (remember you cannot agree not to give/receive child support)
- You understand your rights and responsibilities
- You are not being pressured into accepting an agreement that is overly disadvantageous to you
- Once an agreement is signed you can file it with the court and have it enforced like a court order.
Remember
If you or the other parent is thinking of moving away, you should speak to a lawyer to see how the law applies. Parents moving with or without the child may need to give notice to the other parent or other people important to the child.
Get Help
Go to Resources for a list of legal help and information organizations in your area.
Toolkit
Use our coming to an agreement worksheet to help you best prepare.
Agreement Exercise: Before you sit down to negotiate, think about what will be best for the children in the following areas.
Day-to-day care and decisions
- How will the responsibility for the care, control, and supervision of the child be shared?
- How will the day to day decisions affecting the child be made?
Week-to-week time arrangements
- Overall schedule and plan for the children’s transition between the parents’ homes
Holidays and special days
- School vacations
- Parents’ vacations with and without children
Health care decisions
- How are the child’s health care decisions shared? (Eg. medical treatment, checkups, dental etc)
- How will you share taking care of any special needs children you have?
Education decisions
- Consultation between parents about any change in school, special educational needs, tutoring, or extracurricular activities
Religious and cultural decisions
- Will you raise the children in a particular religion or cultural practices?
Communication between parents
- What type of information should be communicated about the children and how should it be communicated?
- Communication when the child is with the other parent.
Changes in child care schedule
- What happens if a parent cannot care for a child when scheduled?
Resolving disagreements
- How will disagreements be resolved? (Be specific).
Any Other issues
Most couples can resolve disagreements without court, which is better for children. But sometimes court is necessary, especially for urgent or safety matters. Court can worsen conflicts and be costly, so it's best to avoid if possible. However, if there's a power imbalance or danger of violence, court may be safest.
Remember, court doesn't have to be all or nothing. Many issues can be resolved before trial through mediation or conferences. Get legal advice, even if you can't afford representation. Look into legal aid for free help if needed.
- Parenting agreements need to adapt to the changing needs of the children and family. Be prepared to rework it over the years as your kids grow up. A plan that worked when the kids were babies probably won’t work when they are teens.
- Agreements and orders can usually be changed when both parents agree to the changes. If one parent does not agree, you will have to ask a judge to make the change.
Resource
Try the Canadian Judicial Council Family Law Handbook for information on representing yourself in court
Wellness
Think about who in your support network you can lean on for support during this time whether it's family, friends or professionals.